People criticize pickup artists for lying about their identities. It’s true that some pickup artists deceive women in order to gain sexual validation. I won’t defend this kind of dishonesty, but what if you’re really becoming a new person? Society cherishes some sacred lies. Have you ever promised someone that you’d love him or her forever? Did things change? Sometimes it’s okay to be a fake.
Nothing is permanent. Existence is an amorphous peregrination with no user’s guide, and our personalities are anything but static. Instead of acknowledging these ubiquitous truths we act as if our identities are etched in stone. Personal transformation threatens the status quo. People fear change. If someone changes it means that the future is unknown. Predictability is comfortable–unless you’re sick of living a lackluster rerun. Appreciating the present moment is impossible if life stands still.
Are you completely satisfied with who you are? Perhaps you are. If so, you should stop reading this post. Go back to being awesome.
Western society is addicted to self-esteem. We praise people for loving themselves despite their flaws. To some extent that’s a healthy outlook, but ignoring malignant personal flaws is a bad long-term plan. No amount of self-congratulation will rid you of bad habits or make you more interesting. Being you isn’t effortless. It takes work.
When I entered the seduction community I was averse to the concept of changing myself. I thought, “How can I find true happiness if I’m being someone else?”
Sometimes change is imperceptibly slow. Have you ever raised a puppy? They grow up before your eyes, but you never seem to notice. You find yourself wondering where time has gone. Our personalities are similar. Are you interested in the same things you liked when you were a child? I grew out of action figures and coloring books, but I don’t mourn the loss of my childhood personality.
I’m a professional dating coach. I teach seduction as an art form, but as a child I was painfully awkward. I didn’t make my first friend until I was a teenager. Am I a fraud? How can a social failure claim to be an expert in romance?
Life is growth. Adulthood isn’t the end of your personal history. You’re just getting started! Explore your passions. Maybe you’ll take up gourmet cooking, or perhaps you’ll write that novel you’ve always dreamt of. Some people even become dating coaches.
You aren’t obligated to stunt your personal growth in order to pacify another person’s yearning for a predictable existence. People who tell you not to change are being selfish.
People will tell you that your personal growth is pretentious. Their insecurity is surpassed only by their naivety. Change takes work, and new habits don’t come naturally. You might have to force it. There’s nothing inherently wrong with trying to be something you are not. Students become doctors. Caterpillars become butterflies. Metamorphosis isn’t wrong, but deception is. Life is the art of being a genuine fake.